Do you know what it feels like when you are a child and growing
when people treat you as less of a person because you're not 'cool' or 'popular'
make fun of your acne and blushing cheeks
joke about your childhood friends
make crude comments about your name
laugh at your struggles to grasp learning
Do you know what it feels like when you are young and changing
when people tell you how ugly your clothes are
laugh at your music
mock your interests
leave you threatening voicemails and online comments
call you weird and creepy
tell you that you'll become a druggie and fail in life
harass you in gym
steal your things
push you in the halls
trip you as you walk
glare at you in class
take advantage of your kindness
Do you know what it's like when you are young and confused
when people ignore your thoughts and opinions
degrade your family and how you grew up and live
make plans and hangout without you
whine that you are clingy and annoying
make fun of your too innocent and goodie-goodie actions
get mad and tell you your opinions don't matter because you're different
call you pathetic
grab, push and hit you
call you two-faced
blackmail you on social media
can't stand to look at you as you walk past so they turn the opposite direction
call you a snitch and suicidal freak
degrade your interests because they are too 'mainstream'
spread rumors about you
convince others that they should hate you
tell people you are a tease
make jokes about you behind your back
call you fish face
comment childish dirty things about your body
And after all this; only few stood up for you
Apologies come through a letter of jealous envy and a phony apology
But some never come.
But let's face it you're nothing to them but a picked over pile of pity and annoying characteristics forming a girl that everyone thinks is the laughing stock of their group
Do you accept the apologies?
Do you forgive the bystanders?
Do you hold on to the hurt?
Do you possess anger?
And to think some of those kids were your friends? After all aren't you supposed to remember your friends and school memories when you're older?
I know I'll remember
And most of all I'll remember the good times that turned to bad times
The classmates that turned to opposers
The friends that turned toxic and the guilt felt by parents who shouldn't have to
sometimes I still feel sorry for being angry after all this time
But the anger weaved itself into my eyelids and built a wall to stop these tears from drowning me
I've learned how cruel words fall from gentle mouths that I used to laughed with
I know how words can feel like the weather bringing a chill of ice down your spine or a volcanic rise in your chest
I know what it's like to cry blood
dry swallow your voice just like those pills you are force fed to keep you going
Its during times like these when I tell myself they were just kids
I was just a kid
I still am.
but we all grow up and i hope
when we are married or a parent or in a career we have the courage to say life goes on and it was like it never happened
Do you know what it feels like when you forget what you thought you couldn't?
S. E. Bass