my heart is hurting

from all the pains and the struggles that are going on

my chest hurts

everytime i breathe in

i try to hide it

but the hole is to big for comfort

so all i get is tears

in response

when i close my eyes at night

and i think of you and you smiling face

how you laughed how you cried 

how tears of joy strolled down your face 

when there was something wrong you'd hold me into place

and take me into you embrace

and hug me until i couldnt cry anymore

but now

whose going to lighten up my day now?

whose going to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright?

whose going to ease this pain? this sorrow? this.....depression that i keep held up inside?

how do i heel when your not here to bandage me up?

how do i go on without seeing you everyday?

whose is going to hold their head like you?

haha...whose going to defend me when mama doesnt want to listen at times?

whose going to love me for me and not judge me by my appearence?

all these question will go unanswered and i blame myself for it

who am i to be selfish?

who am i to be sad or mad at you to go home where you are suppose to be?

how could i be selfish to god and to jesus when i not a mighty god at all?

maybe he missed you as much as i do maybe even more.

my angel has gone back home and i cant do anything about it but go on and live.

live for u and all things that are god. just like you so i can be with you again when i return to god's home. 

to my home. i just want you to know that i love you and i think of you all of the time.

i miss you even though its been a couple of days since went home

since you went to the "the better place in the sky" but what if i think the better place is with me?

but it would be false b/c heaven is the better and best place so how could i trip?

crying just seems right now

crying just seems right for tommorow and for the next day

but i have a feeling you wouldnt want that i have a feeling you would be disappointed.

and i hate those disappointed looks you give me ....gave me

god i wish i had one of those looks now

any look to keep my heart from aching

from breaking and falling into pieces everytime i see a thing that reminds me of you.

haha it could be a pencil and i will start crying of i stare at it long enough.

so to ease the pain i dream of you and make sure you are always in my heart and "will keep your advise with me at all times i never know when i might need it"

and i will "smile because you will never know when somebody else needs it honeybee"

and always will keeop that pepermint smell with me to help me remember you hugs 

 how warm they were

 how gentle and always so sweet.

and never have those "i love you honeybee's" felt so right

until now

now are the times they felt so warm.

 i guess you can see your little honeybee's done grown a little

 and now that  i know you've done your job i guess i can smile a little.