Dear God
Dear God,
I’m in a funny spot
I call it funny because I’m laughing out my mascara
I know You’re here
I know You can hear me breathing through my nostrils
and You’re in between my teeth as they clench like Lovers
thinking of July and August and September and December
those gasps of human wrath and miscommunication
that began to gnaw on what was left of my heart
Dear God,
I know You heard me
as I rocked back and forth on a cold Dutch winters night
arms suddenly still, restriction cut
like a film loop of b-roll
I couldn’t see it all
Dear God,
You knew him as You knew me
a shell
a melted and mixed shell
that acted as a bullet casing
to his gun, to his fire
the fires he promised me burned with Love and care
and I know
I know You heard him occasionally
just as he looked down at his hands in anger and confusion
You saw too the malnourishment and the lust and the greed
and I still wonder how You protected me from it all
how do You still protect me from this all?
Dear God,
never in my life have You left me
forsaken me, never judged me
never sent me into his clenches
never ran in the fear of peer pressure
or hormonal urges
or deep emotional ties, or greed, sex, power, intellect, Love
--no, You welcomed Love
--encouraged me to Love
and father, I did.
I Loved.
You’ve taught me, too, that Love is not double sided
Love is patient and Love is kind
Love does not envy
Love does not boast
Love is not proud
does not dishonor
is not self-seeking
not angered
unforgiving
Love does not delight in evil
Love… rejoices in Your truth.
Love protects,
Love trusts,
Love hopes,
and above all
Love perseveres.
Dear God,
You’ve taught me that it’s my choice to Love
and the types of Love we all have chosen to mold
and yes, I've Loved in every form
I've Loved in lust—I Loved in fear
and somehow… I haven’t felt ashamed.
I haven’t felt the wrong that prophets have told me through telegraphs.
Yet, still, in spite of it all—
Dear Child,
I Love You, and I will never forsake you.
I am patient and I am kind
I do not envy
I do not boast
I am is not proud
do not dishonor
am not self-seeking
not angered
unforgiving
I will protect you against the rain that is sure to come.
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I love you.