Dear Future Husband,

I didn't know you were looking for something, easier to swallow

But For years I watched my father walk over women

He raked them up with the rest of autumn leaves

I watched him place any and every thing above me

Even when it was clear I deserve first place

I didn’t build a wall because of you

But because my dad required to still remain my superman

So my heart wouldn’t rupture and bend every moment he deceived me

So my eyes would still exude rainbows instead of waterfalls

Dripping every ounce of enmity and odium he left saturating through my bloodstream  

He wanted my faith in him to still be as small as a mustard seed

Even though he had no God like qualities

For some reason I never detected his inability to love

I was conditioned to love him unconditionally

And only love you on conditions

I AM SORRY

That you must deal with the scars that may never heal

 

I tried

To love, to trust, to be the reciprocal of their carrier

And for 4 years they devoured

Ripping out every blood vessel connected to my pulmonary artery

Slicing apart every neurotransmitter that told my psyche they loved me

It was burglary

Swiper swiped everything

Dora couldn't even find me

 

Maybe I Should’ve turned off the TV, When I seen the love scene

I should've known that Reality tv never met reality

Should have learned from daddy that love would dissect me

But I just hoped and prayed that I would find my  jack

Willing to knock down every beanstalk these two men planted in me

I'm sorry in advance

 

But I am waiting  for you to find the key Swiper took

knock down every beanstalk

To be my lex Luthor

Disconnecting every tie my father had upon me

To feel like the taste buds dancing on ur taste after your morning jog

For you to unlock every door containing my insecurities

To switch together every torn ligament of my daddy lies

But I must worn you

That this will be a battle

That you'll need God to win

Sincerely your wife