I wish I felt guilt
instead of just fear
to be someone good
to avoid their piercing leers
Drizella and I were never very close
Though we did everything together
I wanted another sister
Until I finally found her
She was beautiful.
She was kind.
She had so much talent.
She had everything I wanted to be mine.
Mother never loved her,
And I suppose neither did I
But she always excelled
At anything I would try
I could never carry a tune
Not even one single bit
But of course her voice was lovely
And I found myself sick of it
I did feel bad for her
And I knew what mother did was wrong
But a monster was growing inside me
I felt it clawing at me all day long
Do you ever feel such a burning hatred that it sears your eyes?
But instead of fire, all you can do is cry.
I thought I hated her with every inch of my being.
I hated her stupid voice and her puny feet
Everything about her made my lungs seize up
But it was mostly her kindness, which I never saw inside of me.
I never hated her. Not once.
It was myself that I hated,
and every bit of me that I knew would never compare to her.
I knew I was ugly, but what I had hoped
Was that putting her down would help me stay afloat.
Who would choose talentless, ugly, cruel Anastasia
When her much prettier and kinder step-sister was there?
How was I supposed to live like that?
How on Earth could I ever compare?
But the thing that sickened me most was this
In adversity and depression, I became so cruel.
She, though, would continue being wonderful
And there was nothing else I could do.
I lost control
I ruined her dress
I stamped out her hopes
I made her life a mess
Now she is queen, of course
Because there is no end to her perfection.
Yet I still sit here pathetically
Wallowing in self-hate and depression.
I regret it so much, everything I did to her
I never liked to hurt, quite the opposite really
It just came so much easier than kindness to me
She could imprison me if she wanted.
She could feed me to the bears.
But I know she won't do that.
Though I never did, she cared.
When you tell your children of this tale
I will always be the villain.
I am the example of unbridled jealousy.
I was a lifestyle from which to abstain.
Whoever is reading this,
You and I will never meet.
Do not feel pity for what I wrote.
My life ended the day they put that glass slipper on her tiny little feet.
Life has taught me a cruel lesson.
I have been left with nothing.
I beg you to heed my story with caution.
Do not spend your life in wanting.