Sometimes I think we get so lost searching for ourselves. I mean people say your teenage years are the best of your life but I think they forget to tell you that they're also the worst. I feel like I'm always thinking and searching for something but I can't even really pin point what it is but it aches sometimes. I mean I can really feel my heart yearning for it. I kind of hate how sometimes I'm so high, higher than the Empire State Building, and then the next moment I'm so down I feel like I'm about to drown, & the worst part is most times I can't even explain why. I mean I can tell you things that make me sad or maybe things I've done or that have been done to me in which could have started the inevitable downward spiral but once I'm there, on the edge, the moment right before I break down and start crying I can't even tell you why I'm sad anymore because it's just all jumbled up and so I can only say idk or maybe I'm sad about nothing. There's so much pressure from everything and everyone in society and I think it's especially bearing when you're a teen or young adult. What do you want be? Who do you want to be? You're not a child anymore but you're not an adult. Do you believe in a higher power or do you not? Are you a cool kid or a lame kid? Do you like men or do you like women? Are you searching for love or do you want to be alone forever? But you see that's the problem-we as people always try to make things either black & white but I don't think that's the how the world works, at least it's not supposed to anyways because there's so much overlooked gray area & I think if we would just look into both sides and appreciate that gray we would all be much happier but instead we try to pick our whites & blacks out carefully and we deal with the demons of our choices-both made & unmade, those we've done & those that have been done to us. Nights are always the worst. When the world seems to slow down a bit, when you can no longer run and hide from your thoughts, and so they consume you in your bed like you may have thought the bogey monster would have when you were a kid but much worse. The question at this point is can you hold the weight from the avalanche just long enough to go into a slumber so you can make it till the morning where things will be brighter and happier? & if not what happens when the darkness of the avalanche swallows you whole? Do you make it out wounded but alive or do you die there? I think the answer to that question is up to you.