We all know the most common fear of a naive child, right?
Its the dark.
We were all once there before, in that state of fear, clenching our mother’s palm until her skin turns red, thinking that her touch will protect us from the monsters under our bed.
We sprinted up the stairs after turning off the light, frightened of the possibilities that lurked in the black abyss of our kitchens.
What a silly fear, right?
We were far too curious as children, letting our imaginations get the best of us when we lost the ability to see what’s in front of us.
Now, we have grown up, and the dark represents something else.
Dark is night.
And night is when we are most alive.
Night calls our name, begging us to run until we can’t feel our legs, scream until we can’t hear our voice, sing until our skin can feel the noise
Night is a time for living, right?
You never see a raging party going on during daylight.
We as teenagers love to rebel against nature’s schedule; sleeping when the sun is shining, running wild when the moon is glowing.
We have nothing to be afraid of anymore, right?
Seeing all your blank stares in front of me now
I fear I am not like the rest
With a pounding heart upon my breast
I will tell you,
I did not leave the dark behind as you all did.
You all escaped the monsters, but all my monsters are still under my bed
But they are not the monsters you are thinking of.
These monsters you cannot see
In fact, they live inside of me
And they like to come out when the light leaves too soon
In my bedroom
A bedroom is supposed to be a safe place
But my bedroom is a vessel
Full of my biggest fears
And when the sun disappears
The chains are broken
My fears come out to play
Pounding on my brain
Pulling down my chest
Tugging on my shirt
Oh my god, everything hurts
I fear the night like I fear my death.
The silence leaking off my walls has never been so loud
My mind has been waiting to speak all day and the quiet gives it an outlet
You see, night and quiet come together
And the darkness behind my eyes conjures up a recipe far too deadly for any human being
Even though it’s quiet, my head is screaming.
I know this is supposed to be home,
But right now, I feel so alone
Please don’t let me go
My ears are ringing
My anxiety is singing
I can’t even try to close my eyes
Why won’t you let me sleep?!
I am sorry if I cannot make it to your party
I’m sorry that I cannot drive to your house
You see, I can’t seem to even stand up on my own two feet
I am tied to the ground like a caged animal
But please don’t fear, come the morning I will be fine
My mind will go back to sleep in due time
And I will repeat the same routine,
Almost every night
But until then,
Let me lay here
Under the moon’s hazy glow
Because now you know
That some people
Are still afraid of