The Dance

 

Maybe, behind the mask of makeup and mascara, I can be bold,

Brave enough to not be scared, frightened at the prospect of people

The party, I can deal with the party, but…

I see a stranger in the mirror

She’s hot, firey darkness in her eyeshadow and dress

I never look at myself like that, no one would, but for just one night I-

Hey, friends!

We can all go to the dance at- where is the club?

Wow, really?

At the top of the world, 40 floors to fly

The elevator dings, dings, dings, quickly- in time with my heart

Stepping out with the group, but not a part

There are seats, tables plenty, but, ugh, where should I sit

Because everyone has a date, and every table has an even number of chairs and

2, 4, 6, 8, and… me

I know that doesn’t add up, that defies math, and I didn’t need to do a derivative of anything

So, sitting alone, sullen, someone pities me,

Preforms a L’Hoptals  of kindness and places a chair in the middle of a pair for me

She tries to get me to branch out, talk, but I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING

So I hide in the corner of my mind while the group around me, half strangers,

Say silly things like sausages and sweethearts

Munching on fancy food, far too formal for me

Fearing later when I will rip my dress or fall dancing or, even worse

Be found a fool

But the others beg for songs to play

And I must smile and go wish with them

As I can’t be alone and play cards, solitary,

Like the wallflower I wish to be

The music thumps, throwing sound waves out to shake the windows,

The only barrier between us and the storm, raging outside

And the city far below, stars on the ground

I could fall, fly, and be free, freer than in this dress and watching these happy people

Dancing and swaying to the first slow song of the night, and-

Oh, she saw me at the glass, waves me over to a chair with her date

A smile grows on my face as we converse

Not just from having someone to help me be happy, put up with me

But also ‘cause I felt lonely… 

I feel lonely, all that shoved into my face

So it’s a bit of a problem, she’s hanging on to her “friend’s” neck

And being as lovey-dovey as I’d like to be

Hell, I’d even be happy if a jerk had a crush on me

Some piece of evidence that says I am more than what I tell myself

An overweight geek, a distractible freak

Definitely not the sultry seduction in the reflection

Of the glass, looking out alone on the city with people all around me

Rap songs fall unfamiliar on my ears

Bejeweled with gems that weigh them down

Like the screwed-up brain chemicals affect my heart

Heavy 

As the lights turn on and the DJ ends the last song

And we all pour out, river, ocean,

Going down back to earth from the top of the world

With the two score more of ding, ding, ding

Parents drive me home, ask, I say it was great

Lying doesn’t bother me much anymore

But when I go to my room for the night, midnight

My mascara wiped from the eyes, smeared down

Looking like the tears that could’ve been if I let myself

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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