Listen close and you’ll hear my cry

I’ve given up my life is no prize 

With wounds so deep 

I can not try 

When all hope is lost 

I look up for you

Falling to my knees

Resting my head into the palm of my hands

Crying so much my clothes are now drenched 

I say to myself “I am not alone”

As if that was true 

I have no purpose in life 

Just a body that can not speak as if I could 

A body that can not express its feelings as if I ever would 

“Who are you?” They say

I am just an actor 

I put on a mask as if I am okay

When in all reality I am far from it

Warm salty tears running down my face

As I sit here with a knife to my chest

“Just do it it’ll end all your suffering”

Maybe just one slit to my wrist 

Or a stab to my chest

Will end all the pain that I endured 

Looking up to the sky

Tears still running down my face 

“Heavenly Father” I say

What have I done to deserve this 

What more can I take?

This life I have is just not worth living 

I am alone with no one to understand me

My walls are so high there is nothing but darkness surrounding me

But I can not let them down for anyone because I’m afraid that they’ll hurt me once more

I gave someone my heart 

And they gave it back in pieces 

I’ve been played like a fool

I am no more than a stool

That just stand still and let everyone sit on me 

Lord can I ask you something? 

If I kill myself right here

Will it end things for me? 

“You will not gain anything from it”

A voice in my head said to me

Put the knife down and wipe those tears 

And I promise you life will get better 

There’s always a rainbow after a storm 

Come my child 

See all that I have to offer 

Your life might be hard now but it will get better 

Just got to have faith 

“But that’s the problem” I say

I have no faith left 

I don’t know how long I can hold on I can not take this pain no more 

“Think of your family” 

My family?

If I do this it’ll crush them and that’s the last thing I want

Their happiness is everything to me even if I’m suffering I can not bare to see tears run from their faces

“Then put the knife down my child and give life one more chance don’t dare give up now”

Sitting here in the darkness for a minute thinking 

As I sit the knife on the table I grab my mask and put it on 

I may not be happy but I’ll do my best to keep everyone around me happy and far from my state of mind 

“Thank you lord” I say looking up at you once more

You’ve help me believe that I can have faith 

I have to try and fight my demons once more

Better days will come for me

Life may be hard but I’ll get through it 

I’m just a soldier in a war that I may or may not win 

But I’ll give it all I’ve got til I meet my end