Sometimes I think about how many roads I must cross until I get hit by a car.

It makes me think about love.

How many broken hearts and broken promises do I have to bear until I find “the one”

The one I’m supposed to love and cherish and obey

The one I’m supposed to be a perfect wife for.

But do you know how hard it is to find love when the only role model was a screaming father who showed his love with physical marks and emotional beat downs?

Do you know how hard it is to find “the one” when the first sexual experience you had was from two older cousins at 8 years old?

Do you know how hard it is to feel safe with someone when at 18 years old a friend got too handsy and pinned your arms above your head?

I walk across the road and think, “will today be the day?”

It’s hard to feel secure with someone else when I can’t feel safe in my own head

A car is coming

Is today the day?

Will the next person I trust break my heart and shatter my bones, like getting hit by a car?

Another one comes down the road

Another lover

But I made it safely across the road this time

I made it another day without a broken heart

Maybe next time the car will be coming too fast