The Complete Guide to Getting Pulled Over (2020 Version)
Step One
When you see flashing blue and red lights behind you, do not panic!
(Unless you are black.)
If so, run through a mental list
Rapid-fire
Oh god, Is my license expired?
Is my headlight out? Is my plate out of date?
Or is it simply because I was out too late?
Check all of your surroundings, get your camera out
And hope you said I love you to your mom before you left the house
Step Two
As the officer approaches your vehicle, roll down your window and greet them with a smile!
(Unless you are black.)
If so, place your hands on the dashboard immediately
Wait for the officer’s instructions, even if they seem false
One wrong word and you’re framed for assault
Don’t touch anything, even if it’s a comb
Because Lord knows that if you do you might not come home
Step Three
Hand the officer your licence and registration, soon you’ll be be on your way
(Unless you are black.)
If so read A,B, and C
A. Comply with everything they say. Don’t talk back, that’s only an excuse to make you their prey.
B. Take note of everything you see. Their badge, your location, their identity.
C. If you can plea a way to get out of this free
You have a degree
You’re a devotee to your wife, your home, your family
But that isn’t what they see.
Step Four
Congratulations! You’ve officially gotten pulled over and are now safe on your way home!
(Unless you are black.)