Step One

When you see flashing blue and red lights behind you, do not panic!

(Unless you are black.) 

If so, run through a mental list 

Rapid-fire

Oh god, Is my license expired?

Is my headlight out? Is my plate out of date?

Or is it simply because I was out too late?

Check all of your surroundings, get your camera out

And hope you said I love you to your mom before you left the house

 

Step Two

As the officer approaches your vehicle, roll down your window and greet them with a smile!

(Unless you are black.)

If so, place your hands on the dashboard immediately

Wait for the officer’s instructions, even if they seem false

One wrong word and you’re framed for assault

Don’t touch anything, even if it’s a comb

Because Lord knows that if you do you might not come home

 

Step Three

Hand the officer your licence and registration, soon you’ll be be on your way

(Unless you are black.)

If so read A,B, and C

A. Comply with everything they say. Don’t talk back, that’s only an excuse to make you their prey.

B. Take note of everything you see. Their badge, your location, their identity. 

C. If you can plea a way to get out of this free

You have a degree

You’re a devotee to your wife, your home, your family

But that isn’t what they see.

 

Step Four

Congratulations! You’ve officially gotten pulled over and are now safe on your way home!

(Unless you are black.)