"I have to get to college," I yawn as I study till dawn
The obstacles are axiomatic: a 3.8 GPA,
a schedule preventing me from taking AP,
I remedy but can't relieve the pain I receive because I can't perceive a solution -
I love learning; public schools don't love teaching
"I have to get to college," I sing as I practice the viola
My neck burning, fingers calloused beyond repair,
A disgusting hickey on my neck warns of our dangerous love affair
"I'll never be professional," I admit after seven years of sitting second chair
"I have to get to college," I cry as my legs burn running track
I don't have speed, endurance, or muscle.
I've never passed, they've never seen my back
Long distance, least embarrassing, yet I fall behind a mile away
A conflagration of anger, insufficiency, failure, dismay
"I have to get to college," I breathe as I nearly drown swimming
My lungs burn; I can't hold my breath
The best of the worst or the worst of the best, none the better seen
Hard working and dedicated, but no experience; how could my family afford swim team?
Prunes and muscles, caps and goggles, chlorine and pain, eating, eating, eating
"I just do this for the food," inside I cry, outside I excuse with joking
"I have to get to college," I cringe as I sit in meetings
An introvert, uncomfortable in groups
Student council, math club, science olympiad
So many people; an introvert never succeeds in this world.
“I have to get to college,” I sigh as I push away writing
Disorganized plot, transparent language, clumsy dialogue
40,000 words will never be published and will never get me to college
“I have to get to college,” I wince as I close my novels
I’ve learned better English than most native English-speakers
Why continue when there are more important things to do?
“I have to get to college,” I interject to everything
The novels close; I’ve learned English better than most of my teachers
The movies end; two hours are better spent studying
The friends all leave; I don’t have time for mindless, lazy parasites of my time
No one does as much as me, but no one else is unsatisfactory
They'll get the large, specific scholarships,
And forever I will have to kiss failure's lips
I burn with the desire to succeed at one thing, anything
The ropes of poorness, immigrancy, lower class bite my flesh,
As I rise in proficiency, I see the limits of sufficiency, never to reach the efficiency necessary
To go to college.
It may happen, I may get there
Will I survive the embarrassment, sadness, disappointment?
Will I ever become a genius, doctoral student, revolutionary scientist?
I can't quit sports or music; how will I get to college if I'm not well-rounded?
It's too late to do science competitions, olympiads; I will pass the age limit when I am well-prepared.
"Focus but be well-rounded. Be smart, athletic, and musical, and get a job (college IS expensive). But be very good at all of them,"
I work myself to death, in vain hope
I must do more, despite my hunger only for knowledge
"I have to get to college"