The Cold and the Cows


United States
37° 20' 27.2544" N, 77° 27' 31.4064" W

So I was thinking

A bad idea at the best of times-

of the ice which coated the air in the barn

and it's something that renders a break in the lines

of comfort and calm and the pride in the work

of the toil and the strongest of smells and the dirt

and the smile you get when you stroke a sweet calf

the cold sets it off and convulses your bones

you stare at them all like they're ruminant clones

when the bitter iced coils start biting your skin

when your hair stands erect like straight silver pin

there's a miserable malice seeping out from within

scoop up some manure and stand waiting again

you're a slave to the compressions of a bovine's rear end

the sawdust is working to enter your lungs

and they're licking your palms, try to extract a bite

puts a strain on the passion you might have once sung

the love and your bloodless extremetiies fight

you can care for this heifer or run straight away

but the innocent look in their eyes beg you "stay"

since your heart's in your legs, you will always obey



Hey there emma2012. I just read your poem twice, and I see a lot of strengths in it, as well as a couple of weak points. I feel like the theme of your poem, the conflicting emotions about ranch work, is well established. "Pungentest" should be replaced with a different, real word. Also, convolses should be convulses. Another point I really like was the abrupt change from happiness to loathing the messiness and dangers of farm work. Overall your poem is raw and has great imagery. Thanks for sharing :)


Hello! Thanks so much for replying to my poem, you gave great feedback! I'll change the word pungentest-- guess I wrote this on another site which didn't have spell check-- and I'll change convulses. :)

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