I always swore I’d always die

Never Thought I’d Live Beyond The Age of Twelve

Emotion was my enemy

Colored everything I see

 

But I swore that I’d be the very best that I can be

I said,

“Right now I’m my enemy

But one day I’ll be able to see

With Clarity”

 

I was weak-willed

Done some things I never should

Done some things people think I never could

I was a Devil cradled in despair

Wanting to die, but never had the strife

How sometimes I wished I took my life

One more pill, One More Huff

Please God Just Let It Be Enough

 

They call I’m shy

My mama says I’m ruthless

Said she never taught me to do this

But I’m just human always tempting devils

Devils on the shelves

Devils on my bed

Devils underneath my skin

 

I Love You I Love You I Love You

I Hate I Hate I Hate

But on the off chance that I’ll miss you--and how I always miss you because ya never hear/here--

 

I am the bull and you have my horns

And only with red will I ignite

“How many stabs does it take to get into the center of a taurus?”

I know

The words are the jibes

How every breath I take, I try to stay alive

What do I know about pain?

What do I know about suffering?

I never bore witness to the ghetto

I was a self-sheltered child

Always knew I was to survive on my own

But never had the gile

 

But I swore that I’d be the very best that I can be

I said,

“Right now I’m my enemy

But one day I’ll be able to see

With Clarity”

 

When I was seven all I felt was dismay

Even when while the air held nothing but jubilancy

I had a mom and pop

They both did wrong; they both did right

It goes on and on

I felt like I was drowning

There was bitterness on my tongue

I was ten; there was the window

But it was a long ass drop

And I went and caught myself before I could go flop

 

Another time I was just twelve

I got real happy

Not because it was my birthday

But because of the new air freshener my mama had bought me

I grabbed my inhaler and sat on the counter

My toilet stool was bright red

I was weak to my knees

The room had spun and I had promised God,

“One day I’ll be the best I can be.  I can’t right now ‘cause I’m my enemy.”

And you know the rest

 

Emotion was my enemy

Colored everything I see

Until my vision went black

I opened my eyes to find that I don’t know jack