I watch my life slip away,
As if I had no say.
Everyday became harder
And I started to barter.
Gave my mind up to a computer screen,
and my wrists to a blade of steel.
He choked every breath from my lungs
As he placed every lie on my tongue.
One moment standing in the grace of his love
The next, wearing my sin like a glove.
I went back to who I was,
Forgetting that I had ever been loved.
Hoping a fleeting image would last,
Not realizing I couldn't just put it in my past.
Creating new scars every night,
Left only to feel like I couldn't win the fight.
Wondering why I was always rejected,
But not remembering I needed to be corrected.
Staring in the mirror of self hate,
believing death was my fate.
Placing my life in chains,
Not knowing I was frying my brain.
Lusting after a worthless picture
Instead of digging into scripture.
Giving my life to the shame
Forgetting it had already been defeated and slain.
See I became a slave to my flesh,
Rejecting his mercy that was fresh.
Riding the coat tails of my insecurities
I quickly gave up my purity.
Feeding my eyes with the lies,
Pretending I had a great disguise.
Creating this mask to cover the guilt
Instead of breaking down the walls I had built.
Allowing my thoughts to become captive
To whatever kept my mind active.
Chasing whatever would fill me,
Not realizing it would eventually kill me.
Trying to get by
On a spiritual high
Holding onto the lie
Never questioning why.
Allowing myself to become blinded,
As if I never really minded.
Everyday he called my name,
Waiting for me to turn around and do the same.
One day he touched my heart,
Turned my life into a piece of art.
Saw my stains and washed them clean
Reminding me that I had already been foreseen.
Extended me grace at my weakest,
Reaching my soul at it's deepest.
Making redemption my story,
And living my life for his glory.
Set me free from the prison,
So that I could fulfill the great commission.
No longer bound to my past
I was filled with joy that would forever last.
Though I will always be flawed.
I am forever a Child of God.