There is the slight moment of regret

where we wish we could take it back

and if even for just a fraction of a second

we may hope it just scares us out of doing it again.

 

But there are those rare occasions

where it worked -

this miniscule instance where we feel the lift from our bodies.

It is not our soul, our regret, or our pain;

just a moment of nothing

and once something is delicately placed back upon us

we wish we could have had nothing for a little longer.

 

This is the gamble with Death

that we choose to play

because that lift can't be gifted

by either sleep or adrenaline.

Formally known as an addiction -

it's this form of high we wish to hold on to.

 

But how can one hold on to nothing?

Thats the triggered question

that even we have to ask ourselves.

How do we regrasp nothing?

Like an adrenaline rush, doing the same thing will deminish the feeling

and we try new or exagerated ways to regain nothing.

 

Why is it so appealing?

This is what we don't ask ourselves.

It isn't the desire to be gone.

It isn't the hatred of ourselves or others.

It's the rush. The rush of nothing.

Surprisingy more effective than cliff diving or rock climbing

this rush is one that can't be told of.

Why do we desire nothing?

It must be experienced to understand

and that is the frightful truth.

It's the curiousity of the answer to this question

that once drew us in.