I'm a lot like Cain,

That is, I don’t think about 

The consequences of my actions. I don't know

What they’ll be 

Until they happen. I 

Hit my brother with a golf club once. We were 

Playing mini-golf (or do you call it putt-putt?) with my grandparents. He was being

Mean and I hit him—lightly, just a tap I thought—but I 

Still swung that club at him. My grandmother threatened to take us home but I 

Apologized. I really didn't want to hurt him. I

Didn't realize he could get hurt. 

He was fine once he stopped crying. 

//

I don't think Cain wanted to kill Abel. He didn't

Know what could happen when he

Brought that rock down

Over his skull and Cain

Crumpled to the ground. Like a 

Paper fan folding (wait- they didn't have those back then). 

Like a candle melting down 

Cain's body gave out and his head

Stopped working. 

//

My brother does the same to me. I get so angry

Around him that I

Can’t see. My chest tightens and I

Don’t want to look at him anymore. Blinded by red like

Abel did as blood

Flowed from his hairline over his 

Forehead into his eyes (But Abel died before he 

Hit the ground—he didn’t have time

To be blind). His brother 

Looked down at him

From his position as God. His creation: that cracked skull and that

Blood pool. Cain didn’t 

Fall on his knees. Cain didn’t weep. My brother doesn’t weep for 

Me. He keeps all emotions

Locked up. Except 

Anger. He’s allowed to let that out. Deliberately

Chosen words to 

Hurt me as much

As possible. I don’t know why. I

Don’t talk to my brother. I don’t

Know his friends. I don’t know 

His hobbies. I don’t know his

Feelings (or lack thereof). I only know

What I see: His actions. 

//

Maybe I am Abel. My brother once

Dropped my youth sports soccer trophy 

On my head from 

The top bunk. It didn't bleed but it was a heavy trophy. I 

Had a lump on my head for a week. I screamed and cried and

He looked down at me from the top bunk. Only then did I know

What the men in the Bible 

Felt like knowing 

God saw their every move.

//

I can

Be Abel but

He can't be Cain. He knows the consequences of his actions and

Wants to hurt me. But why? I

Can guess but 

I don't know my brother.