The boy behind the mask

Mon, 11/10/2014 - 14:17 -- jdarby

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Don’t ever say can’t.

That is the message

that was given to me

my entire life.

I’ve learned that out

of all my life lessons,

this one is going to

help me the most

as I venture out

into the world.

I’m not like most teens,

I rarely visit friend’s,

the only sleepovers I

ever have are

usually on someone’s birthday.

I don’t find fun

in the ways of other teens.

Riding roller coasters,

watching scary movies,

walking through haunted houses,

dating girls,

they all bother me.

Although I could

never understand

why before,

I’ve come to realize,

plain and simple,

I’m different. Unique!!

I believe I have

come into a conclusion.

That I don’t have

a messed up head,

rather, I have

just a bunch of phobias.

When I was younger,

they were much worse.

Hiding underneath tables!

not talking to the other kids,

Although I don’t have

a clear memory of that,

on the account of

being so young,

I can see the effects

that it has now

on my mentality.

I’m passive-aggressive,

which means

I don’t get angry…….

very often!

And when I do,

I’m the one that

feels so sorry afterwards.

Everyone thinks

I have it all together…

I’m this perfect boy wonder!

This has hindered me

in the way of sports.

I’ve competed in football,

cross country,

wrestling,

and track.

However, I find no joy

in any of the sports.

Many people then ask,

“Why do you play them then?”

That statement itself

is the problem I find in sports.

Unknown to all.

I have a fear of failure

and losing.

It drives me to the near

point of insanity.

When I find that someone

is better at something

than I am.

Everyone  thinks

that this makes me very competitive.

Short and simple;

It doesn’t.

Instead it causes me

to be afraid of

and fear competition.

My life is extremely shallow,

dealing with

my constant battle

between perfectionism,

and allowing others to shine,

so that I don’t have to

compete against them.

Second place….he came in fifth,

third place, twenty first …

no bronze medals for me.

I hate those words

but fear holds me back.

It’s time  I stopped

being such a coward, and start

being a David,

slaying my Goliaths!

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