I used to keep my aspirations in a small white book with a round silver lock.
Hidden, under my bed these were my dreams I could not speak about.
It was a timeline of all my prospective paths, all my wishes, all my hopes from the ages of 7 to 17.
The first page starts,Things I will Accomplish by the Age of 25:
An ambitious beginning written by a confident 7 year old child.
I was reading Artemis Fowl By Eoin Colfer at the time,
Artemis was my inspiration for the first of five lined pages.
Learn 50 Languages: Spanish, French, Chinese, Korean, Latin, ect...
Know how to hack computers.
Learn how to do the hardest of math. Ex (x+2)(x-2)y=?
Reading that page again I found it amusing.
I had painstakingly copied that example from my older brother's Algebra.
I truly had the conviction that if there were letters in a math problem it was at a genius level.
The book continues on.
Age 12: 6th grade, and since I lived in a different school district than my friends
Separation was instore in the 7th. Feeling powerless I wrote,
Runaway to other school.
Become a famous singer so you can do anything you want.
Beat Emily in the timed mile.
Read all the books in the library.
Build a teleportation device...
Age 15: high school brought on an unslaught of fears as well as hopes.
Be less shy.
Stop friends from drinking.
Make new friends.
Become a vegetarian.
Find a niche.
At seventeen years old I was working two jobs during school the winter months.
I was striving towards a goal that is still certainly out of my financial reach.
Make money for college.
Find a passion.
Pick something to get rid of afterschool work or weekend work.
Apply for scholarships.
Keep grades up.
Write an amazing college essay.
Get in shape for lacrosse.
Now my fears outweigh my aspirations.
And I can't help wondering,
Where did that 7 year old girl go?
This white binding was once the protector of dreams,
now it's the headstone for where I laid them down to rest.
The last thing I'll ever write in it
Build a time machine: I want to go back.