I can't see.

I

Can't

See.

My eyes,

Can't see anything.

God,

Why have you made me so blind?

Why can't I see

The beauty of this world?

Why have you dumped me

In this hole?

Everytime that I think I'm getting out,

An enemy at the top

Is creating a deeper grave for me

That is harder to crawl out from.

And I'm aware.

And I just stare.

I stare at her.

I stare at me.

I stare at myself,

Digging my own grave.

You wanted this,

Right?

You wanted me

To look into my mirror,

And see the shadow

Holding the broken pieces

Of myself,

Rather than my own reflection,

Right?

And that shadow,

Just keeps smashing me

Into smaller pieces

With the hammer of my hopes and dreams

That were never acheieved.

She watches me,

Day and night,

Always behind me.

And yet,

When I stumble

She isn't my safety net.

Why am I surprised?

You wanted me

To lock myself away

In my brain:

I only gave the key away 

To anxiety and depression.

Love? 

They didn't pay enough.

Because of all this,

I'm blind;

To love,

To happiness,

To hope.

And it's all because of you!

God, 

Why me?

Why did I have to shut everyone out?

Why do I still struggle today?

Why do I destroy every bit of happiness I have?

God,

Please open my eyes.

That's all I ask for.

I want to feel fine

I want to go back to being that girl;

Nessa Dee.

Because I know through You,

One day,

The blind can and will see again.