Behind This Wall

Location

My wall is in front of me,

It's a barrier of sorts, although protective and warm.

Behind this wall is my only home, really.

 

Behind this wall, I can watch people. How friends interact, how they relate,

I can try to understand people and their motives.

I can try to understand their wounds, their stories, their love and their hate.

 

That world out there seems self-involved, cruel, vain.

Sitting in the shadows, I don’t have to feel their pain.

I daydream and stare and everything seems like a game.

 

I’m disconnected and analytical, speculative.

Unaffected, critical and objective.

I don’t have to explain myself or worry about others when alone.

 

“What are you staring at?”

I’m back to the party I didn’t want to attend.

I need to be convivial, act jovial, pretend.

 

These people are happy, so I guess it could be worse.

But home is the antidote to my somewhat antisocial curse.

Behind my wall, watching, is social enough.

 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741