Because I Was

I am because I was

I was naive

I was deceived

I was young

I was told one day

“No Courtney that is not your life.

What you thought was all a lie.

You’ve lived in ignorance for years

But here is the truth

Now what will you do?”

I am because I was

I was at that point lost

I was hurt and confused

I felt nothing and everything

 

HOW
COULD
THAT
BE?

 

I cut away the girl I used to be

I disguised her skin with weird markings

I melted it

I thrashed it

I made sure that she could never look at it again

Without the shame of what she had done

I abandoned her like the truth had abandoned me

 

I am because I was

But what I was at that point is gone

But who I was is not over yet

I was so much more than the lines before this

 

I was failing out of math

I was burning holes in my brain

I was eating drugs and taking alcohol

And I knew that’s not the way it goes

But my brain was

  D

   A

    M

      A

       G

         E

           D

 

I am because I was

I was all those things

But I’ve been for so long

That my was isn’t quite over yet

 

I am because I was

I was waking up

I was realizing my potential

I was cutting not myself but the bad people out

I was controlling

Not people but myself

So I was cutting the bad people out and controlling myself

But not cutting myself and controlling people

AT THIS POINT

I was doing alright

 

And I was so many things before now

And now

I

AM
 

I am strong

I am a leader

I am passionate

I am a woman

I am more

More than I ever was

You see the AM can be so much more than the WAS

And that is the most important part

I am never was

I was what I was

But now I AM

I am something

And you can be something too

The was isn’t what it’s about

It’s the AM that you can choose

It’s the AM that makes you WHO YOU ARE
 

No you mustn’t forget the was

The was is the most important part of w h o  I  w a s

But the am is the most important part of w h o  I  w i l l  b e

And I’ll take the am over the was because

I . AM . ME .

This poem is about: 
Me

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