#Because I Love(ed) You

You told me I was special.
I believed it.
You whispered I was worth it.
I laughed at the thought of it.
You taught me that love was rushing through the halls just to get a glimpse of you.
What you didn't tell me was that you would change this way.
It took me by surprise.
How did you change all of a sudden?

"Because I love you I would never hurt you".
Changed real fast.
But, because I loved you, I decided not to hurt you.
Because I loved you I looked passed all that, because I saw how much you needed me.
Because I loved you, I learned to take it.
Because I loved you, I continued to forgive you.
Because I loved you, I knew I was okay.
No. I thought I was. So I decided to ignore the handprints that were left behind.
More specifically the handprints that YOU left behind.
Because I loved you, I resisted the urgue to ask for help.
I resisted this help to protect you.
You said you loved me.
But that was not love.
If that was your explanation of love, I DON'T want it.
I'm tired if hiding the tears.
I'm tired of feeling oppressed.
This manipulation is killing me. Both mentally and physically.
I don't smile knowing I will see you anymore.
When water flows down these purple-blue marks, my knees drop to the ground.
I hate looking at my arms, because of you.
I can't wear what I used to.
You judge me for everything I do.
"I'm not good enough anymore, am I?"

Is what I used to think.
But, because I love myself, I raise my head.
My eyes will never again have the need to search for those bruises.
Because I love myself, I have found someone better. Someone who won't bring me down.
Someone who knows my value.
This person is no longer you.
It is me.
I don't want to hear the word CONTROL anymore.
So you will no longer tell ME it.
Because now I love myself.


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