Beautiful Calamity

I can't sleep knowing that I'm not the one you're dreaming about.

Or that maybe you're as hurt as me and you're still up, drowning your sorrows in a Harley Quinn shot glass or hiding them in a haze of green

Or that maybe you're not, maybe it doesn't affect you at all

 

But for me, it's like a death in the family,

I wake up kinda okay, go just fine through my day but then

it hits me again. I'm alone.

 

It slams into me like a fucking freight train going a hundred miles an hour, about to go careening off a broken bridge and plummet endlessly, dragging what's left of my heart with it

 

I'm left, a hollow shell of a smile, trying too hard to be okay

 

And it's 2 am and the memories assault my soul and roll down my cheeks while I try desperately to rid my mouth of the taste of your name

 

But the thought of it bouncing off of someone else's laugh as easily as it did mine strangles me with hands of barbed wire.

The weight of the realization that you now call someone else baby, that someone else now wraps herself around your arm crushes my bones to dust.

 

Soon I will be just another groove in the vinyl soundtrack of your life. You will forget my name and the tenderness with which you once said it.

You will forget my eyes and the love they held for no one else but you.

You will forget my hands and how they shook when you said goodbye.

 

This burning knife will one day leave my chest but you will still be a scar on my heart

A lesson scar, like the one I earned while learning how to ride my bike

This one, I earned while learning how to love, and let go

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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