I have an affair with depression
and apathy is just my side lover
self harm isn't caused by my self
it's the scars and bruises I put on my body every other
weekend
It's through the meaningless comments I cause you to say
it's raveled in with the broken promises

I find joyful pain in knowing that what we say that night
or any other night will never
happen.
A smirk crosses my face from all the material things
I've lost from those nights that
only represent the pieces I've lost of myself.
I just hope I haven't wasted all of my love
on all the wrong people.

Its not you that I want any way
It's him;
the one who ripped my core out
with just one poetic sentence:
“I don't want to be yours, and I don't
want you to be mine”

I still can recall the entire playlist on the radio
that night
as I felt an entire rift split my body in two
it seems like the pieces never fit the same after that

The turning in my stomach and the loss of air to my lungs
My blood ran cold as I had no appetite for life

I gave you every part of me
just to have it returned battered and bruised
as if it didn't compliment your college needs
I was just your high school love

I screamed at you that your love was conditional
and that you would never find another girl
that would love you like I did
Her name is Claudia and I cant help but wonder
if you make her mix cds like you used to for me.

Every year that it turns to fall
I see myself reaching out for the comfort of your
arms
only to find the cold and bitter wind reminding me
that you left for San Fran with a smile
as I stayed with sorrow and chaos in my head and heart
in this battered and bruised body.