Avoiding you

I used to go to the bar on Sundays

Because I knew you wouldn’t be there

Because I knew it would be safe

Safe from the sight of that smile

 

I used to go to your apartment 

Every Tuesday and Thursday 

And some days that don’t start with T

And the week before my birthday

 

I used to love your laugh

The way your voice gets higher when

you’re exciting about something 

Or the way your hand felt on mine

 

I used to avoid our favorite places

Because they only remind me of 

everything I have lost since then

Of tears on polyester and wool

 

I used to imagine a life with you

In which I never avoid you

In which I spend each day with you

A world where you want me too

 

And I wish I could say I used to love you

As if your name isn’t woven through my heart strings. Still wrapped tight

Singing your name with each beat.

 

I used to love the rain til I met you

I used to sing sad songs because of you

I used to write sad poems and I sometimes still do, and I wish I could say that none were for you. But we both know that wouldn’t be true.

So I’m left here avoiding you

This poem is about: 
Me

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