Ana, a young girls best and worst friend
Once she speaks to you, you can’t leave her.
Strength, courage, self-worth. Gone.
She starts as a friend looking out for you
“Those jeans look a little tight.” She says
A simple little comment that seems harmless.
So you start to eat less-start eating healthier..
Maybe you start exercising..
“You’re still too fat.” She says
So now you cut back eating just a little more
‘Just a few less chips.’ You tell yourself
But then a few less chips turns into no chips
Then no chips turns into no breakfast
Then you start skipping lunch
Then no dinner too.
Then next thing you know you’re only drinking water.
“No soda” she tells you.
So now you start counting your calories
‘I can only have 300 calories this week’
“No slip ups now” she tells you
Oh no, you ate a cookie..
“You’re so fat and disgusting! What the hell is wrong with you?!”
Now you can’t eat anything else all day.
Dinner time comes, you’re starving.
Your body slowly starts to become weak
You’re sleeping more, falling asleep in school..
Your grades start to fall
You’re getting headaches nearly every second of every day.
“You don’t need good grades, you’re losing weight!” she tells you
‘I’m losing weight!’
You’re excited, you’re doing good.
Now your lighter and your bones are starting to show.
You look at thinspiration, see girls skinnier than you
Their hip bones stick out more than yours.
‘Dammit, I need to lose more!” you tell yourself.
“Yeah, fatty. You need to lose MORE.” She tells you
Now you eat once a week, only drinking water.
You exercise more, making yourself pass out.
“Finally you’re doing something right, you need to work to be skinny.”
Ribs are showing, hip bones stick out, and finally that thigh gap has been achieved.
Now you’re dropping even more weight, this is what you needed to keep going.
“Come on, you can afford to lose more, you like that guy right? You won’t get him until you’re smaller.”
You continue to starve, eating 100 calories a week.
Others are doing better than you; they eagerly tell you their success
You become angry, jealous, and depressed.
Now starts the self-harming.
“You’re worthless, you don’t work hard enough. You’re nothing but a fat fucking pig and full of lard. Maybe if you’d lose weight you’d have real friends, a boyfriend, popular. You can’t fucking do anything right.”
‘I’m a worthless piece of shit, I hate my life. I have no friends, no boyfriend, and I can’t even lose weight right. I fuck everything up and I’m fucking fat. I have no worth. I need to lose more.’
Now you lost your taste for all food, nothing is appealing anymore.
You don’t eat; you pass out in front of your family.
You wake up in the hospital with family all around, a tube up your nose leading to your stomach.
They tell you they know, the doctors said you’re extremely malnourished and they found your cuts.
“You’re a fucking moron; you couldn’t even do this right. Now they all know about me. Guess what, now they’re going to force you to gain weight, all that work we did together is GONE. All that hard work is gone. You’re a worthless piece of shit.”
The doctors tell you you’re getting put in a special facility with girls that are just like you, girls who are too skinny and need help.
‘I don’t need help, I’m fine. I have my friend Ana, she’s all I need. I don’t need any of your help.”
The doctors tell you Ana isn’t real, she’s in your head.
A few months later you’re out of the facility.
Ana is back, she makes you do everything all over again.
You are skinnier than you were the first time
You black out.
Your family calls 911.
The ambulance comes, -she has no pulse!-
CPR is started, AED shocks, nothing.
While CPR is being done you’re in a beautiful place
Bright, clean, and along with you is the voice of Ana.
“You did well, I’m finally proud of you.” She says.
At the hospital they pronounce you dead.
“You’ve finally completed your goal my dear. You finally did something right.”