The true me is being smothered.

It’s been stuck under an ambiguous mass for some time.

It afflicts me.

I have yet to figure out where I went or when I lost myself.

I’m still here, I still live and breathe and interact, but it’s not me.

 

I think I wanted to impress them, show them who I was.

I had the confidence, for a while.

But I conformed.

And forgot who I really am.

 

There are parts that I can grasp, though.

Ways I know that I used to be:

Compassionate. Understanding.

Empathetic. Down-to-earth.

 

Now my head is filled with my own concerns.

I’m in competition with others.

I don’t build people up, I break them down in my mind.

These thoughts pollute my once clear head.

They’ve blurred the clear sight I used to have within myself.

 

The most frustrating part is that I know it's still there.

And I know it’s who I want to be again.

But for some reason I can’t get a hold of it.

It’s like all that exists of it is the memory of when it used to flourish in me.

But how do you materialize a memory?

 

It’s strange, because I’m just barely hanging onto that person.

Like deep down inside of me, she’s been tucked away in darkness

But I can feel a glimpse of her light

So I know she’s still in there somewhere.