where do I even begin?

11 months I knew you, and in those

months, you quickly became my best friend,

no one has ever become so special 

to me so quickly,

I've never trusted someone so quickly.

You were so damn funny,

you could make a room full of people laugh in a matter of seconds.

you had this spark of life in you, 

it was so much bigger than any of us.

this one day in october, I walked up to your locker like I did everyday,

and you were wearing your winter jacket, and you asked me

how i was not freezing in my sweater.

I just laughed and said that I was use to the weather, being that 

I've lived here all my life, but you only a few months.

moving from Texas to Canada, a huge change in temperature.

you made friends left right and center.

anywhere you went you made new friends,

didn't matter who it was, everyone liked you because

you were just that kind of person. 

I'd always look forward to lunch, because we didn't have any classes together,

and lunch was the time that we'd get to hang out,

it was when we'd get to laugh,

we'd talk about our morning,

and we'd do stupid shit

just because we could.

we had some great times together.

I miss your voice so much. I miss

your smile, your laugh.

I miss you. 

I never did make it to your funeral,

and I regret that. I missed my last chance to say goodbye.

I fucking missed it.

I'm always too late, every damn time.

I'm never going to forget you.

you're too special, too important for me to forget.

you don't deserve to be forgotten.

here I am, a mess while writing this.

and I'm trying to contain it, trying to hide this pain,

the pain of having lost you.

the pain of knowing

I'll never be able to talk tou you again.

it's with me everyday,

every god damn day.

your memory is with me,

I'm carrying it. 

they were once happy memories, 

but now they're just sad,

because you're not here anymore.

I can't text you and say

"remember when..."

because you aren't there to laugh at it with me. 

you aren't here.

I remember making stuff

in foods class, and I'd sneak out of the room 

and go to your class to give you what I made,

and we'd talk for a minute or two,

then I'd have to get back to class.

my favourite memory I have of you

is when you'd try telling our friend group a joke,

only you'd laugh before you even finished telling it

which we'd all start laughing because your laugh was contagious.

besides, it was funnier than the joke, which just made it even funnier.

I feel emptier

now that you're gone.

I feel like less of a person,

because you're not around.

you were, and you are a piece of me.

ever since you died, 

that piece of me died too.

it will always be gone now.