Does this dress make me look fat?
How the hell does one answer that?
It’s obviously a trick question.
Answer only with discretion.

Do these pants make my butt big?
Answer "yes" and I'll will wig.
Change the subject if you can.
Or become a single man.

Is she prettier than me?
Whatever you do, don’t agree.
My confidence you must revive,
if you want to remain alive.