Agony Shared My Face
Life often sends you places,
And my place is one of sacred solace,
A brilliant little spot which makes my heart race,
With memories as fine and fragile as any lace,
And acts as a time machine.
For my memories come in threads,
And time is never an object,
‘Cause when they come, to the world I am dead.
I have nothing to hide, and nothing to expect,
For to the world, I am dead.
Dancing across the water,
The reflection of my face ripples onward.
An occasional current sends it to shatter,
But I pay no mind, for my face ripples onward,
And on, and on, until I take notice.
Peering into the mirroring water,
I see a lifeless soul.
She screams but none can hear her,
She’s spiraling out of control.
Six feet under, the watery abyss.
Emotions are running high,
With boiling temperatures.
The nature around me begins to sigh,
As it is my attention she soon captures.
So now I see her there,
And this is no mirage.
She stares me in the eyes,
Reflecting all my flaws.
This just can’t be me…
Denial owns my thought process,
And an internal conflict arises,
To leave me with odd feelings to assess,
And many more surprises,
From the girl just beyond the glass.
Am I going insane?
Blood is roaring in my ears.
As I think about the me behind the window pane,
And how she’s been there for years,
Without a single second thought.
My own being begins to shake,
And the mirrored me does the same.
Reflecting every single move I make,
With a little less conviction, and I think, shame.
I wonder if this me,
Even knows our name?
Inner conflict never hit so hard.
And thoughts never made such sense,
Until I met this me, from beyond my yard.
My mind riddles with suspense,
Courtesy of the girl from beyond reality.
Why is it I share this link,
With a person I don’t even know?
My own mood has begun to sink,
As I stare off at a nearby sparrow,
And daydream of the past.
Nostalgia haunts me to no end,
With flood-like memories,
And clouds my vision with tiny grains of sand.
The water steadily increases in degrees,
But I still stretch out my hand,
To the girl just beyond my reach.
My thoughts are racing,
As my hand slowly stretches on,
To the girl who mimics my being,
And the longer I reach; the faster she grows strong.
To the point where she actually seems real,
As any tangible thing.
Just below the surface,
This lifeless soul is drowning,
Calling out to me to erase,
The pain that she is consuming.
I snatch my hand back from the water,
As it burns me quick,
And I roll backward from laughter.
My senses returning after past images stick,
On my lids, and I’m no longer in control.
So I stretch for her one last time,
And that is all it takes.
I wish that I could rewind,
To a time before the time I found this lake.
She pulled me under,
And it was quite the wicked spell,
By feeding off all the strength I could muster,
A sensation similar to that of falling down a well,
Was felt all over my being.
Life would never be the same,
I soon realized.
My life took quite a turn that day,
Took a turn completely upside down,
And there was nothing that I could say,
To make her stay in her water-trodden town,
Of mirroring qualities.
Falling under the surface,
With a cry no one will hear,
The lifeless soul stole my face,
And forever will I drown, forever in fear.
Uncertainty plays a part,
In this new life I’ve been given,
And I worry about my heart,
From the panicked state I was driven;
When life became a marvel.
I am still breathing,
A miracle all in its own.
But the thoughts my mind are conceiving,
Are making me want to go home.
I scare myself,
Not with frightening thoughts,
But a simple survey of the truth,
My mind slowly tangles into knots,
As the water around me is sure proof,
That I am no longer me.
A watery nightmare,
A cruel, cruel reality,
Childish thoughts on what’s really fair,
And betrayal, as I wonder why I would do this to me.
These feelings only blur my vision more…
Awe and disbelief choke my heart,
Why would this happen to me?
This is a tragic play, and I want no part…
But everything happens for a reason, I’ve grown to see,
And life, is as one makes it.
My life never really was kind,
But I tried as hard as one could,
To keep on moving, and pay little mind,
To the things I shouldn’t and more so on the things I should.
This valiant effort on my part, meant nothing of course,
To the cruel mistress that is life.
Because life is as one makes it,
I did not happen to make mine very elaborate.
Although I did try my hardest, there were times I truly wanted to quit,
This must’ve outweighed my dreams of being adequate…
But this is just one of my many thoughts…
Whatever I had done in this life,
I will surely pay for in the next,
For nothing goes unnoticed; not even strife.
I will have plenty of time to deal with memories I’ve suppressed.
For life will make me its toy.
The water maiden from beyond the glass,
Waited and waited for what must’ve been forever.
For when she took me, she didn’t seem crass,
But I suppose it is because she didn’t want this to be a careless endeavor,
And for that, I must admire her.
What she wanted was clear,
And I never paid much mind,
To anything and everything I fear,
Or anything that resembled the kind.
And that was my ultimate downfall…
The me behind the water wall is a fearsome adversary,
And although she did get what she wanted,
I am not going to pout at all, no, on the contrary,
I am done with this past of mine that is haunted.
I have just begun to fight.
Life isn’t always kind, but this life is mine,
And I would never let anyone shine in my light.
This me doesn’t have what it takes, so she better resign,
Because I’m not going down that easily.
My emotions are beginning to fluctuate,
Anger and excitement reigning supreme.
I will quickly transform into something I hate,
If I cannot get out of this crazy outlandish dream.
But I am not worried.
Finding a way of confrontation,
May just be my only chance at normalcy.
Playing it out in my head, like some sort of simulation,
Catching every disturbance, like a poem with a hideous cacophony.
I will catch every little flaw.
My new life will be flawless.
Once I catch sight of the me from this watery coffin,
Evil is bound to be released upon this water mistress.
But I am not afraid of what lies within,
Revenge will succeed, I am positive.
Plotting my own demise would be a concern,
If it were the fact that my troubled mind was that simple.
An artless reversal of the tactic will be used, upon her return.
Full blown revenge is not sought, merely the principle.
I only wish to have what once was mine.
One of the many flaws I hold,
Is to be transfixed upon meek little things.
Taking this weakness in mind, I will finally have control,
And my life will once again take wing,
For I will be what I always dreamed of.
Freedom comes at a price I’m afraid,
And I feel it is time, for me to regain what I have lost.
You don’t truly miss something, until it is gone, or so it’s been said.
And I am willing to try and recapture my life, at any cost.
Not even I can stand in my way.
On such a lovely spring day,
I will gladly take my burdened life off of your hands.
So why don’t you come, and take a stroll on down my way?
Heavy living I’m afraid, has lost its demand.
Let me ease our pain.
Why not take a dip?
The water is quite enticing.
I of course, would know well, due to my little trip.
And aren’t you tired my friend, from every minute of living?
You only need reach for my hand.
A little distraction is all I need create,
And it is you who will be tricked my friend,
Into walking off course, the lake will in fact deviate,
You from your diminutive play of pretend.
I am going to get you.
My little lake will never be the same,
My view of my sacred place of solace forever changed.
I’m not so sure gratitude is necessary; I don’t owe you fame,
For it was you who took my life, and with it, rearranged,
Every piece that once was me.
But I suppose a thanks is necessary,
For allowing me to see what in life I lacked.
So thank you my friend, and nearest adversary,
But it is time for me to take it back; retract,
What was never yours in the first place.
So I will lead you here,
With that simple weakness of ours,
And you will return, and stay for a few years,
And be witness to many more spring showers.
I will not be visiting this me again.
I am so sure of my plot.
I have every ounce of confidence.
Watching my step would be wise, but I will not,
I’ve looked for every aspect and opportunity for suspense.
So come on over my dear friend,
Don’t keep me waiting.
I lured you over with such ease,
I almost felt bad for making you fall back under.
But this is how it is supposed to be, and I beg you please,
Never darken my doorway again; it will be your biggest blunder,
And I know, you’re smarter than that.
Taking a step back on land,
I breathed in the sweet smell of spring.
No longer will I ever lend a hand,
To such a strange and imaginative thing.
I am back this time, for good.
It is funny how much I missed this,
And I see why the other me, had wanted it so badly.
On land and in reality is where I belong; no longer will I reminisce,
And live in nostalgia so mindlessly.
Peering once more into this cursed lake,
With mirroring waters, and a looking glass appearance,
I stop only to shudder, as my mind floods with my earlier mistake.
I do not fit well in the life of compliance,
I leave you to fit that role.
It is time for me to depart,
There is no turning back from today.
Life will never be the same as it was at the start,
And I will slowly walk away,
From the agony, that stole my face.