9/14/2018

9/14/2018

This day will forever be in my memory

It wasn’t very long before I began my life in recovery

The night before I came to this place

I was crying and begging my mom not to bring me

I didn’t want to give this place a chance

I was being stubborn and trying to argue

With my mom just to hurt her

Later that night as I laid down beside her

She was asleep and I just cried

I let it all out and told myself

“You know what you will be alright”

I was afraid of the people I may meet

I was afraid I was going to change me

I was mostly afraid of losing my mom

I don’t know why those things crossed my mind

Even to this day I sit and wonder why

Why did I think those things?

The next morning was rough

I got up and had to pack my final stuff

I went down to my room and say my final words

Took my last shower in my own bathroom

I got in the car and went shopping with my mom

We went to her work

I ate subway that day

The little things I took for granted

Would later leave me to stray

As we were eating

I looked my mom in the eyes

And said

“Thank you for all you’ve done

I can’t believe this is the last time

I get to be out with you for a while

I am going to miss you mom”

We sat in silence and left the store

On our way to Odyssey

We played our favorite songs I grew up on

Pretty girl by NB Ridaz

Promises by Jhene Aiko

Who says by Selena Gomez

Rise up by Andra Day

Life is worth living by Justin Bieber

And so many more

We had fun on the way to Odyssey

I didn’t realize how long I would be there for

When we came in I had a mental breakdown

I saw the kids I was going to meet

One of them stood out to me

I felt a connection with him

He seemed nice and friendly

Someone I could trust

Someone I could be open with

I am glad that person made it easier for me

As I looked around

This place gave me hope

I saw horizonte and they had told me about it

And that made me ready

I was motivated

But for the wrong reasons

I thought I could be out by January

But here we are February 27th, 2019

I am still here learning

As I started into the program the first night

Was the hardest

Didn’t sleep

Just cried

Held my blankets tight and onto the picture I had with my mom

My mom in her wedding dress looking beautiful

I felt guilty of the things I have done

That night changed my mind

I started showing behavior

Because that is what they expected of me

Not because I truly wanted to do it

I lied to get people’s approval

I manipulated to get my mom to come more

I would still continue my relapse cycle

Not on drugs

But for my true addiction

Later I crashed and burned

I got a boarder

For something I didn’t mean to do but I did

I did it out of anger and hurt

That later made things worse

Lies began to come out

I let everything off my chest

But I still was lying

I didn’t think they would see me for who I was

So I shut down

The things I have learned from this was to be honest

Trust is better than losing it

If your honest with people they will like you better

Because they get to know your authentic self

Rather then the persona you put up to be

Stick to your morals and values

You’ll see

That you can rise up above

And become anything you want to be

I now know what my values are thanks to my mom

I looked at ugly truths

And realize who I am

The internal parts of me are beautiful

When I show who I really am

The outer parts of me

Are even more beautiful because they are different

Different then anybody in here

Even outside of here

I am now showing integrity

And am more honest then I was

I have that credibility with my therapist

And even with my mom

I learned that my actions

Have affected those around me

It affected my mom the most

I also learned boundaries are a big part of people’s lives

So when your in recovery

Think of setting those boundaries

Not just with family

Or friends

But within yourself

I have even more to say

But forever in my mind

9/14/2018

Is something I am grateful for

The person who made it easy for me

Has seen all the struggles I have gone through

They have never judged me for who I am

I feel as though that person helped me

Find out who I truly am

One final message

When you learn from your mistakes

Take a minute to put yourself in others shoes

And see how it could affect them

You never know what it might do

Take a minute and really dig deep within yourself

And see those ugly truths

That is when the real work begins

Is by seeing the past for what it is

Accepting it and working through it

Being able to change those things

Look from the beginning and find out when

Those things started

Then find reframes for the behavior

And you will be on the road to success

I thank my therapist

And my peers

Especially the ones that gave me hope

And never judged me for the mistakes I made

I am grateful for the people here

And for the support they have given

Odyssey is something I am grateful for

And never will forget

So if your someone who is in recovery

I hope my story helps you to the end

As you read this poem

I hope you’ll see

The changes I have made

Are for me

I want that better life and long for a loving heart

So I can become who I want to become

I am graduating here soon

And am ready for life ahead

To start my life and my dreams

That I forever had in my head

I hope the best for all of you

And thank you for the tests

I know I have passed them and am ready to say this

Thank you Odyssey

For all the things you have done

From the times I have cried

And begged to leave

You have still yet put your faith in me

You challenged me in a way I am thankful for

Brought me to my knees

I am now not a liar

But someone who is faithful and honest

Like I said before

9/14/18

Is a day I will never forget

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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