I told you no.

I was already in control.

Smoked a little grass here and there, and

when that pain came

I didn't think it was something I couldnt bear.

 

I told you no.

You put the pills in front of me,

It was like putting honey in front of a bear 

or flowers in front of a bee.

 

I didnt listen to you.

I wish you would have listened to me.

You signed my fate on a slip of paper

no regard as to what no meant to me.

A twenty count bottle of red polka dotted pellets

kick started an endless cycle of searching and craving,

gut wrenching pains and a

euphoric hazy daze that fogged up my ways. 

I spent days and days

searching for another script 

instead of spending hours and minutes

with my wife and kids.

 

Got tired of it and quit.

Cold Turkey.

Knees to my chest, arms wrapped around me.

Fetal position.

I wished I was dead.

Cold sweats, shaky limbs, I looked like a ghost 

but I wasn't that lucky yet.

 

Days slowed to hours and hours 

to minutes.

I thought the easy way out was to smoke some shit.

So I took that first hit

and it led me into a lie,

pulled a veil over my eyes.

The choice of a lesser of two evils

was how I chose to die.

Now I got wrapped up in a dark world of personal destruction.

A spiritual death inadvertantly chosen

as a lesser of two evils, ironically

my mind already made.

I shared smoke with the devil

and shot him up in my veins.