A year ago today

I was picking up a razor in the school hallway

Telling myself I would just chuck it

While knowing I would not.

 

In the beginning of last December

I caught myself cutting the skin below my shoulder

Because I wanted to hurt and bleed

To show the pain I could not put into words.

 

On New Years

I found myself in bed twice over

Once sleeping with my best friend at my side

And once having sex with a person I barely knew.

 

In March

I spent my money on a movie I had begged to see

And while my parents scolded me

I stood there remembering laughing with my friends.

 

In June

Summer break had come early

Every day was a monotony

So I watched horror when I was bored.

 

Two months ago

I took out my razor

And I stared at it

And I put it back.

 

Today

I take out my computer and my razor

And I sit here writing this

While asking myself if I have gotten better.