What exactly am I trying to hide from myself?

Why can't I feel good without chemical help?

What is so terrible about being sober?

Trading it all, is it finally over?

Given chance after chance, blessing after blessing,

Yet I still believe fate I am testing.

With every passing moment, my heart grows colder;

I'll trade it all for the drug, so it's finally over.

The only mercy I need,

Is the kind that flows through my veins.

The needle pricks, I bleed;

Emotions finally tamed.

No longer aware of the shame.

Once I made my first move, I began a never ending game.

Every moment I'm sober,

My heart grows colder,

As I wait for God to say, "your life's finally over."

Jarred Shah

8/27/2020

7:42am