I'm scared to write a poem

but I need to write a poem because when I finally

let the twisted words out

I breathe again

as one more wrinkle straightens out,

but

 

I’m scared to write a poem

Because when I finally do

It’ll break me again.

I’ve sealed up the cracks that have broken me

With fools gold.

Cheap Kintsugi.

Why spend money on something that won’t last.

 

I’m scared to write a poem

Because if I can still break, I’m still broken

And I’ve worked so fucking hard to not be broken.

People like me because I’m not a problem,

 

And I’m scared to write a poem

Because I’m worried I’ve become a problem.

The question on the test no one knows,

Too confusing to deal with, no one knows where to start,

So they don’t

And move on.

Leave the problem blank.

 

I’m scared to write a poem.

because I'm scared I'll splinter all over again

so I stare at the keyboard, not the screen.

I can face the letters but not the words.

But I have to keep typing.

I have to keep writing.

It’s time to choose my battles

Even though I don’t know if I’ll win.

Jumpstart my mind

Slam the gas

Blindly barreling forward

Towards what I don’t really care.

I have to keep going

Moving

Being.

I have to, I think I want to, but

 

I’m scared.