sending poetry to a russian girl 

and rushing to class may as well fill my time up. 

i don't want to be preoccupied. 

not with the boy who split his edible with me. 

why should i be? 

 

i showed my poetry to the girl in my sociology class. 

she might have actually liked it but try telling my brain that. 

 

knew i didn't have the time but i thought it would be okay. it wasn't. so i rushed to class. 

then i ended up dropping it and adding another. 

 

preoccupied. 

 

he's funny. so funny. 

haven't heard his voice in so long. maybe i won't even think he's funny anymore? 

 

he's strong. so strong. 

i think i'm weak, like the effort my brain is making to stop thinking about him. 

 

i saw him today. i threw up a peace sign when i saw him. 

wished i could have talked to him. 

but it's better that i didn't. 

wouldn't have done anything good, i know that. 

 

saw a friend of his today. avoided him. he's nice, i just didn't know what i could possibly say to him. 

 

i'd really like to be the best that i can be. i don't know what that looks like. or how to get there. 

 

maybe that's not with him? 

 

 i want to be with him. 

 

i don't want to be with him.

 

why should i be?