love yourself
he said, "why do you expect me to love you
if you can't even love yourself?"
so many unspoken thoughts
coursing through my mind
words i can never speak
constantly betrayed by my eyes
who is he to judge
he doesn't even know
six months i rebuilt myself
just to watch everything go back up in smoke
i want to tell him
that it's just not that easy
that i've tried multiple times before
but my soul is broken
no matter how much tape i use
pieces will always remain on the floor
i want to tell him
that at one point
i thought i was okay
six months in treatment
i thought i had finally found a way
but that's all there is to it
false illusions of hope
and once you get out
you realise you aren't fixed
you'll alway be broke
i want to tell him
that it isn't my choice
i was raised with the belief
that i don't deserve to be loved
six months in treatment
i thought that had finally changed
my therapist convinced me it wasn't true
and promised that she was here
forever to stay
i want to tell him
about how it was just a lie
how she never called after i left
and never answered mine
how does he expect me to love myself
when no one will take the time to love me?