headaches.
my brain just hearts
because its bearing all the pain
my heart cant stand any longer
it takes care of the heart
by feeding it lies while
blocking out reality
“its ok.”
it says
“if you say so”
the heart replies
till I become numb.
i am young
still so young
yet not as naïve as before
my eyes have felt the pain
of battles
behind them day and night
his fingers had life in them
tracing my veins
My face
My lips
My skin
he whispered
“beautiful”
and me, never hearing that word before
fell in love with him
while i fell in love with my body
i dont blame him for leaving me
but i do resent him for
coming back
and giving me things he intended
to take away again.
he wasnt himself
No.
No.
No.
not anymore he was someone else.
someone cruel living under the skin that i loved so
his words were fire
i felt the disgust in his tone
the lies slipping like snakes off of his tongue.
“youre a liar.”
“youre crazy”
he replied.
day after wretched day i
lost myself
loving for two.
i wanted to tell him to not leave.
He broke my heart
and i cried lakes
Rivers
Ponds
Oceans
Night
And
Day.
i almost gave up on myself
cursing this body for not being
his perfect.
i began to type
in my notes
only for myself
screaming
crying
bleeding them out
my fingers raw from the hours spent clicking away
crying to the only person i knew would listen.
Me.
i found myself in poetry.
sometimes the pain
is found in a book
a place we used to go
a dream
or from someone elses lips
so i cut those out from my life
the way he cut himself from my
pain gave me a story.
poetry is my voice.
when i speak everyone listens.
i am heard.
i am free.
i am safe.
he made me feel like nothing
and i turned it into something.
woman need more ‘men’
with softness in their tone
feeling in their hearts
honesty in their words
Less
feeling in their hands
love through their touch
And
judgment in their eyes.
~ headaches,
Kendell La’soul Jones