Be the person you needed when you were younger!

Well, it sounds pretty easy.

I had the people I needed when I was younger.

They just didn't listen.

Or maybe I didn't speak up.

 

Maybe that's my problem:

It's all too easy for me to babble and philosophize,

but so hard to speak up when I'm in danger.

 

So maybe I needed a person who knew how to fill in the gaps:

to see things about me I couldn't because I was too close.

I can't be them.

I don't get people usually, and they don't get me.

 

Maybe I needed a person who helped me feel safe and loved,

but I had those. In fact, it only took a few who didn't,

to bring the whole vision flaming down.

Besides, I make people uncomfortable, uneasy,

like their skin fits just wrong;

it's my poetic style.

 

Maybe I needed someone to show me how to fall apart,

to show me how to put myself back together,

to show me how you can hate yourself and still want to live,

to show me how to take someone else's love and turn it on yourself,

to make me find my life worthwhile...

I used academics for that, but now I'm not that smart.

 

No one could do the above for me.

No one is left to have made my life different except myself.

Maybe I needed what I have now when I was younger.

Maybe, I just need me.

 

Self-centered, cynical, babbling, anxious, angry me,

who's ready to help anyone, anytime,

apologizes constantly, 

and finds it's easier to write than to speak.