The Bright side

The bright side in truth is a shadow filled place. I smiled and laughed but all I felt was the numb seeping in. I looked in the mirror but I didn't see me I saw her, the broken up bitter person I was inside. I made sure to punish myself in anyway I could. It was my duty to stay bitter and broken. The bright side looked warm but stole away what warmth that was left. I tried so desperately to appease others that I was left with nothing but empty words and broken dreams that once were held so high came tumbling down to suffocate me and remind me that I had no right to dream so extravagantly.

I believed in her and lived as her for half my life.

I said what she might say. I wore what she might wear. I smiled and cried and broke. Soon I  sat back and watched this lovely convincing girl work her magic as I faded more and more everyday. I had no real friends and my warmth and long since deserted me to find someone more deserving. I wanted to be in the artificial sunlight so bad I ripped myself to pieces in the process. I was not me. The one that wanted to make a difference in peoples lives. The one that had a strong moral compass but couldn't step back and be alone. I was alone.

My character is what defines me. I care to much. I try to hard. I break to easily. It's simple and dumb and doesn't make sense but it's also really beautiful and honest because that's what makes me human I'm perfect and imperfect and I threw away my facade and showed my real face to the world the real side. The dark, deep, smoky, unforgiving, hate driven, people crushing world.