By my Side
By My Side
I have so much time now to think about things
I pray not to waste it, my mind on a string
I just follow the line and look where I’m brought
Imagination impending, paranoia, my thoughts
And I think about you, my good dream of the past
Like a vision that’s blurry, behind sheets of glass
Memory, do I dwell on what I now have not?
Obsessive, not likely, just counting old lot
It is not that I had something oh so surreal
But a friend that stood by me, who could respond and feel
And I took all those feelings, and crushed in clenched fists
Everything that did know me, who I am, nothing fits
And I stand here alone, not much strength in my stance
Swayed with breeze that does bend me, not worth second glance
And believe that I’d do it all over again
Still ashamed I do wonder how things might have been
So alone I will stand with no one to call friend
All my thoughts, keep inside, until finales end.
And this future I saw, proven false prophesy
The one thing I long for, I will never see
And ten years to go by, will I still see a lie?
Or will who I am change? Could a pig really fly?
As I wait I grow curious, different man I do wonder
But my heart knows the truth, and it hurts classic blunder
I’ve been irresponsible! With no reason at all
Just nature, excuses, I ready my fall
How could I be allowed to love?
Either hide, or away I will shove
For my heart still does break with the grief
Of the guilt left, my blood red stained sheath
Look inside me what more can I take?
Living nightmare will I never wake?
Yes I see it as clearly as day
Of hate toward love I have portrayed
The only one purposely hurt
Never forget those sharp stinging words
I’m no good to make anyone glad
You must see this misogynist lad
Should never be addressed as a dad
And that is so horribly sad
All life’s toil to father them right
All my love, giving all of my fight
Cant hear God, on my heart there’s no pull
My depression, a weight on my soul
And there’s no one to turn to, to vent
All alone I do murmur repent
Others pass and they call themselves friends
But they’ll never know me, none to mend
All the scars of my wounds I will keep
And I will follow my path like a sheep
Will not turn to the right or the left
Not look back so my heart you won’t theft
And I’ll cry all alone in my heart
So that you’ll never see control part
I’ll stand strong and will try, persevere
Until my heart has bled its last tear.