Dearest, most kind Father
Know that I am true to You
I believe in Your glory
I know Your power
And I’ve read Your book
    Studied the words,
        The heavenly psalms,
            And the Commandments
Know I’m righteous
Know I’m pure
Know I’m better than any lowlife;
    That lies,
        covets,
            and spreads the abominations of sin

Lord, I know You’re white
I know that You’re a man
I know You love all of us
    (at least those who think like me)
You wish for us to spread the word of love
You want us to share Your glory
You want us to bask in Your joy
And shout with exultation “Holy, holy!”

So Lord, I spread the word of You
To those who sin;
    homosexuals,
        Muslims,
            and evolutionists
I scold the whores of Babylon
That use contraceptives
O, these lost souls!
That scrounge the earth
I pity them
Do they know you?

I’m a truly righteous person
I bear no false witness
I scold the adulterer
    whilst I lie in my lover’s arms
I do not judge
    like the dirty, rotten men
        who love other men
Those I may offend with my words of truth
Are only opposed to You, Lord

You, who have blessed me
I truly adore thee
Cursed are the sinners like them
Loved, are the righteous like I
So let loose Your condemnation on them
And spare Your judgment on saints like I