Having trouble starting a poem about somone I adore so greatly

Is like somone having trouble walking again I should have this down innately.

Personally I'm struggling to come to terms with the reality of not seeing you,

But, I'm Struggling to come to terms with a lot lately.

I realize you chose this life, but you can't controll your fate,

And what's amazing is it's easy for character and personality to deteriorate.

But dad you're still so great, all the people you conciliate and somehow manage to still be you.

Dad, I'm sorry I wasn't the best son, I couldn't have been with all the stupidity I regurgitate.

Now you leave to a foreign land to do whatever it is you do, and I'm sorry I wasn't attentive.

I'm not you I can't operate for others without incentive.

I know it's a character flaw to be repentant, but that's me and I appreciate you for truly realizing that.

As flawed as I am you still remain pensive, a black sheep remained your greatest prospective.

I am writing this not as a way to make ammends to all the times we fought.

Or because a thank you was in default, or to thank you for all that you have bought for me, or because I'm on the spot.

No that isn't the reason dad.

This comes from the deepest precipice of my soul, and the easiest way to explain how i draw inspiration for this is from my love for you, because to love is the lesson, I've most been taught.

You're my father, the man who i want to be, a colorful leaf in a deep grey sea.

The specter of light in the night sky, that light that I look up in the dark to see, the man who i no longer will see.

No that's an exaggeration, of course I'll see you again.

In the end all I can say is that I wish I took the time to love you like you loved me.

As i swim in this sea of adolescence and tears, waiting for this year to pass.

I'll be prolific and strong and I won't procrastinate in class.

But know my father as you go fartherm, that sadness is what you may subdue.

Because my dear father, my beutiful father, I will forever love you.