Watching the world and floating alone--

I see them smiling, I see them laughing--

While I'm waiting from the side on my own,

Just barely aware that time is still passing.

 

It doesn't seem like so long ago

That I was a part, a piece of the whole.

Now--sadly it seems--too late I will know

How my life became separate and took its toll.

 

I know inside that walls have been built--

Always refusing to fade and then fall.

Once they were broken and then were rebuilt;

They were thicker, stronger, always just as tall.

 

Guarding me in ways nothing else could

They became me, but still a single part.

Keeping me whole in a way nothing should

They were protectors of my soul and my heart.

 

What's sad: the walls were once a membrane

So small I could feel a strong pulse within.

But now my walls survive a hurricane

With the pulse much fainter than it's ever been.

 

I built those walls to keep me intact

But I lost myself in the brick and stone.

They are now too tall, too wide to retract;

I've shielded myself from more than the unknown.

 

I just wanted to be protected--

To never feel pain, the hurt, and much worse.

The consequences were not expected

And the effects of my walls cannot reverse.

 

The threats were kept out, but greatness, too,

Was never let in and never let out.

Happiness and strength couldn't make it through

So I was left alone; my life was without.

 

It's with this knowledge and what I see

That I realize I'm not part of the whole.

My walls left me alone: All I can be.

And I've learned one more way that life takes its toll.

 

I sit and I watch, unable to touch.

Looking on and waiting from the outside,

For the brick, the stone, the walls that I clutch

To fade and no longer allow me to hide.