The other day my buddy made a joke about me
Correction, he made an observation but I took it to heart
You see, we were hanging in a mixed crowd
I say mixed because it was sprinkled with different types of humor, backgrounds, and ages
Now I was raised with that kind of audience in front me so I was used to it but he wasn't, it was new to him
Me and two other young men were the only African American adolescents
Once again, I didn't see the issue, as a matter of fact I was having a grand time
Cracking jokes laughing loud unaware of who was around or rather who was listening
My friend too was enjoying this playful conversation when in this magical moment he chose to say something we probably wouldn't have noticed if the flow of our noise drowned the volume of his statement
See my comrade was so happy he didn't even feel bad as a matter of fact he kept gabbing away
But us three young black males paused because we were appalled by what his mouth just HAD to say
It felt like those slaps in the back of the head when you say something foolish
It had pierced me deeper than the other two brothas
It made me angry, sad, and uncomfortable simultaneously
The insecurity that strained in me
Its the same painful thing that to this day remains in me
He said...
Without even recognizing the outcome
He said...
"Man I love black people! They make me laugh"

You might be thinking well, that's not too bad
And you know what, your probably right
But understand it wasn't careful on my young ears at the moment
It's almost like he planned it because it landed perfectly in the middle of a gut-buster and the next silly comment
There was a brief break up for grabs and he stole it
Why? That's the question this group of pure minded youngsters thought
It caught us all off guard, nobody was ready
The reactions were awkward
I nervously giggled for two seconds until it settled in
Until the truth settled in
What he really thinks of us... of me
All unraveled
Just like the insecurity and the questions that tag along
Was I wrong? Was that too far? How long has this show been going on? Because I ain't tap dancing for nobody
Go watch BET, not me fella. no way!
How dare you bro how could you? Why would you?
Just when I thought I knew you, wait...
Let's not jump to conclusions devonte he didn't mean anything by it...
Did he?
I mean out of overflow of the heart the mouth speaks
That's the word of God and I agree
So what now pal? Huh?
What happens next, do i continue to make jokes being silly for your enjoyment
No, and if you thought so well you have another thing coming
And when I see you ain't nothing funny
Watch your mouth around me
Tell your boys about me, I don't play
And if a potential sentence that'll have you sneezing the juice your drinking; I won't say
See I'm for friendship not for entertainment
I'm all for good times and making memories
Not some Sambo that can stir a remedy
I channel positive energy in all entity's
But if I am anything else then I'm your enemy
Understand that and hear me well
Every single acquaintance I greet is instantly "my nigga"
At least that's the regular the norm
And I'm forced to be fine with that
Kids my age are on a track to fail and I'm forced to be fine with that
And during the course of that track they will be laughed at and not with, and I'm forced to be fine with that
Do I look like a comic? Is my last name mac, rock, or hart
I'm just saying. I don't like it, I didn't like it
And I don't think Bernie, Chris, or Kevin would either
A statement like that had me so cautious in the midst of a hangout that I look around spotting whether or not I have an audience or am I apart of them
Those "people" my friend was talking about I now want to be a part from them
Stereotypical colored folk, nah not me
I couldn't be and I refuse to be
Crazy how a awesome time can turn awry
How some carefree words with good intentions could hurt ones confidence and limit them from ever being loud again, free
I'm not saying that's me, no thank God not me
I got over it, only because I witnessed another scene then a million more
So when someone says an actual insult I've received them all before, I'm numb now
So sensitivity is gone, I'm done now
I mean I watch my words but I also know who I'm talking to
You can only be so oblivious for a such of period of time before some vigilante bursts your bubble
A batman, a hated hero, give you the harsh reality you needed to hear eventually
That's what I realized
It wasn't what he said but the results
I got hit young with it so I wouldn't be jaw-dropped later
It could've been worse in various ways
So thanks. black people are funny
Naturally in our culture we add dramatic to our antics yeah
Let's be real
We think of certain things others don't and we are brave enough to say it
You're right!
We are funny, because that's what you meant, that's just not the same message I thought you sent
I laugh too but I know my fellow race is unaware of the skills they possess to create humor
It's beautiful to see them in action, I remember when I performed, still do, just with a third eye watching what's truly taking place
Sorry that's my insecurity monologing again
We communicate from time to time but I try hard not to listen
So if you look like me on the outside don't read this and start changing the in, to be honest you can't really stop it
Ha, Lucky for them
Guess I'll just have to roll with this gift and curse