I don’t lose.

And yet I have lost control over everything,

even the places inside my head

 

I swear it wasn’t my choice.

I used to be so kind.

 

I’ve become as common as dirt.

And I can’t help to feel as though I’m playing at real life instead of living it.

 

My heart twitches.

It aches.

It throbs.

 

With eyes as unforgiving as Sahara desert heat,

I see them.

Their hands tied like a sailor’s knot.

 

They’re what I lost.

They’re everything I ever wanted to be,

to have

 

I battle with what I know and what I feel on a daily.

 

But I know you.

I know you.

I know you like a prisoner comes to know his cell.

 

And while there’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion,

I am a perfect, perfect madness.

 

I am unusual, tragic.

I am an empty ghost,

with a ticking time bomb for a heart,

just waiting to go off.