The Nine Reasons I Cried
I cried for him
The first boy I (thought I) loved
For the front he did his best to maintain
For the buzz under his skin that never quieted
For the dreams he had to hide from
parents who wave Bibles and swing fists.
Parents shouldn't project onto their child.
I cried for him.
I cried for her
The girl who sat across from me in Math
For the whispers she hides in songwriting journals
For the blood she spills when metal bites her skin
For the words she toyed with, hot as flame,
tossing between old friends and new.
Play with fire and you get burned.
I cried for her.
I cried for him
The boy who sat next to me in English
For the screams that bounced around his hallways
For the secrets he had no choice but to keep
For the nights he spent praying
no one would open the bedroom door.
Please, please, don't hurt him.
I cried for him.
I cried for her
The girl who sat across the room in History
For the moments when her mother disappeared
For the loneliness of sitting in a pure black void
For the tears in her wrists with scissors
cut inside a hoodie in the middle of class.
Pain is it's own kind of drug.
I cried for her.
I cried for him
The boy in my project group in Music
For the hangers his mother threw
For the impeccable track record his brother left behind
For the expectations no one could possible reach
that bred failure by virtue of existing.
People aren't perfect.
I cried for him.
I cried for her
The girl at the top of Art class
For the panic she felt at the thought of sharing
For the fear of the world that she never could escape
For the ache in her soul for freedom
that she could only ignore.
Prisoners can be their own prisons.
I cried for her.
I cried for him
The boy with the bright red hair
For the shield of lied that he was lost in
For the people that told him he wasn't true
For the things that were made of him and
inside of him that tried to tear him apart.
Poison comes from within.
I cried for him.
I cried over her
The girl across the room from me in choir
For the conversations I'll never forget
For the moments I wished we shared
For the feelings that she'll never understand
that have haunted me for years.
Passion burns like fire.
I cried over her.
I cried over them
The one who sits next to me in History
For the potential that was crushed at the end
For the future I might never share
For the kiss on the cheek I owe them
that I'll never get to give.
Pain might fade, but it scars.
I cried over them.
The first boy I (thought I) loved
The girl who sat across from me in Math
The boy who sat next to me in English
The girl who sat across the room in History
The boy in my project group in Music
The girl at the top of Art class
The boy with the bright red hair
The girl across the room from me in choir
The one who sits next to me in History
The nine reasons I cried
And now I'm sitting in a journal
Hiding from myself because
I can't cry for me.
Some people are made that way.
So I can only pray that
One of the people I cried for will
Cry for me because
I cannot do it for myself.