I'm a message in a bottle

waiting to be read.

A bottled up person with feelings very hidden,

they mess with my head.

I need closure and that's very clear.

Just so you know, yeah, you're always so near

physically, that is,

but you manage to stay far from me,

you were never really there for me,

and even though you never caused physical harm,

you abused me mentally, emotionally, and verbally.

So now, speaking to you is awkward,

being next to you is weird,

thinking about you makes me angry,

and writing about you brings me to tears.

You are very short-tempered and mean

yet hard working and seen

as the responsible one of the household.

You pay the bills

but pay no attention

or show any form of affection

to me.

You've been this way since before I was even a teen

but look at me now, I am finally eighteen holding onto a grudge

with nothing but haunting experiences and bottled up emotions

waiting to cause an explosion.

It's hard to tell you I love you, even in my dreams

because you hurt me so much

all I CAN do is dream

of a decent yet happy relationship with you

but you let alcohol get the best of you.

You acted a fool and now you pay the consquences

of knowing you are no longer tolerated.

We live under the same roof

but that shows no proof

that we were ever close.

When will I forgive you?

I don't quite know

because whenever I sit and contemplate,

the word alcohol hits me like a hard blow.

You let it over power you.

It turns you into a monster

and makes me hate you even more.

​When will it be just fine between us two?

I'm practically a starnger 

fearing nothing but the dangers

you are cabale of bringing to this family.

I am ashamed because you were never supportive

but in the end, I wish we were close.

I wish you were there for me when I needed you the most

and most importantly, I wish you would change for the sake of this family.

I'm in need of a happy relationship;

the relationship we never had,

Dad.