Dear Nightmares,

 

Why do you torment me so?

You are lesser than the night terrors I faced at age four

When I moved to this dry desert

When apparently it was only you who understood my emotions

Since I guess you, nightmares, are fluent in all languages

That since neither my family nor I could interpret what I was truly saying, what I was truly feeling

 

Have you always been with me?

Are you my only constant companion?

But you return now

Why?

13 years later and you have found me again

My cries and screams as I agonize over my future must have lured you

 

Do you again enjoy the sweat that drips down my face as I wake up from your scenes

But now I am older and I can recall you the next day

So when I see friends who were murdered upon your appearance the night before, I can thank life for them still being alive

 

It’s 5:30 am and I must wake at 6

Does this mean you will leave me be?

My uncertainty of your clinginess haunts me and I can’t risk the pores that are clogged by the sweat you cause

I lay waking, I have studied for ten hours now and cannot rest

I know you await me on the other side

You and your actors, ready to play out my emotions in a horror film

Where I am the victim

 

What are your nightmares?

Is it frightening, for me to forget you.

Will you forever remind me of your presence in times of distress

Keep my blood pumping when my studies have left me lifeless

 

If you are to return, can you leave out the people I love and loved

I can take an endless fall after a trip, but I can’t handle an impossible “what if” scenario

I know it is you disguised as a dream

Because when I wake up, I feel worse than any other nightmare

No one can make me feel as happy or as sad as you can

Only one person can be compared to those strong abilities

And you use that person as a tool to harass me more

 

Tell me, how much do you make at your job?

Do you enjoy bringing out the worst in my life?

How I received the least emotion from the ones I love the most and receive the most from the ones I love the least

How I can try my hardest, but because I am not dark enough or pale enough or rich enough or poor enough or focused enough or well-rounded enough, I will not go to the college I want

 

This is more of a parting letter

I wish you a good retirement, because your services are no longer required

I am no longer a child and you, nightmare, are now my reality

You do not need to remind me of the hypotheticals when I live them.

If I cannot escape in reality, let me escape in my dreams

 

Best wishes,

T